Marriage: A Social Stigma

They call it an institution. For some its commitment, for few its sacred, for few its end of bachelorhood and for the rest its just another phase of life. For me its a concept which is fast losing its values and piousness. Marriages should be built with strong bricks of commitment and nurtured in devotion. They are woven on mutual respect. They thrive on belief and blossom when showered with unconditional love. Marriages are made in heaven, they say. Broken on earth, I state. Marriages this generation sound more or less like a child's play. A burdensome affair for many as I see and just another day ritual for the rest.

For the seasoned campaigners who have been through successful journeys, they are heart broken and pity today's youth.

A broken engagement of a close friend, to another entering wedlock, to a someone I'm closely associated with trying to break shackles from a wrecked wedlock while weaving dreams for a new peaceful one, to another close pal almost giving it a death blow, to a friend's plan to give priority to their love than anything, and few other experiences,... life seems to have come a full circle. Or hasn't it still ?

The whole world is busy running in and out of wedlocks, as if logging in and out of a messenger. My faith in the concept called marriage is a see saw game. Like a balance full of errors. My belief stands partially eroded with people's approach towards their marriages while my views are strongly etched due to dramatic changes in their lives. I am all but confused.

In the midst of these affairs, I have a small but a strong desire. No, not to get married...but to be wanted and loved. A strong desire to understand and experience commitment. Does falling in love serve the purpose ?

Let's see what tales await on that front.

An Intense Dislike.

I have... for the word 'like'. And what's more disgusting is hearing it from our desi bhayyas and behenjis. Behenjis. Yes ! that's the word. Saw a girl awfully dressed in salwar kameez ( Ladies, correct me if I am wrong ) the other day and decided to address them so. Anyways, people who want to surprise me with their testimonials in future can high light these intense dis likings. But subtly, mind you. Right ! an indirect way to say am expecting a testim from you :P ...
Kidding ;).. Don't write unless your emotions are strong or you hold me in high regard. I appreciate honesty and dil se stuff. ( as if I am thope )

By the way, the seminar by Vedic Society @ MU, I gave it a skip. Feared Atharva Veda would be referred to as Athur Veda. Also, I would have been forced to bow to shattering facts. Remember how A.R. Rahman was introduced as an upcoming music director at India Nite ? See the whole point of it ? I can't spare myself another ass burn of any intensity or be at the receiving end of such tampering. Instead, if I Google, won't all the facts be at finger tips ? Atleast I wouldn't feel punctured among International audiences, who (not) surprisingly are well versed and interested about the Ancient India. Read somewhere today morning that we are at such a pathetic stage that our history and its publishing is at mercy of foreign pens.

Another heart burn is my work being ruthlessly censored by the CAI Editorial board in the yearly mag- Rangoli which left me fuming few weeks ago. Enough reasons to skip.

Few more complaints under the Sun. My latest testim writer will agree ;)

Adios !

It doesn't take a lot to make a girl laugh. Well, I guess ! Unless you are too cooked up and biting nails on how to flatter her. When the situation pegs, all you need is some quick witty one liners and of course ability to grab the opportunity. Purpose solved ! ;)

The only problem, a thorn in the flesh is when you realise your sweetie has a boy friend ! Duh ! a lost cause. All efforts in vain to feel. Nevertheless, still a good way to test your ability to make some one laugh.

When existence isn't must..
what if I am rust...
or some unwanted dust ?

Milestone: 24.

Birthdays are important milestones. So are the months leading upto them. Looking back at the year that has gone by, I can breathe a sigh of relief and be reasonably satisfied. A few cribs here and there. Never mind.

Sixteen hour work days and all that made summer mentally taxing and a physically draining affair. I almost quit my job. Gave it another toss. All I needed was patience to see through it. Life was relaxing after that. Had a good academic year too. I know, nothing more satisfying than doing well academically. Importantly, I have answered the 'what do I do' question. Took a while but finally an answer at disposal.

New friendships, break-make affairs with older ones, revival with the past, visiting a dear friend kept me partly engaged. A road trip to Smokies, camping at Meramec etc., injected some nomadic flavour in an otherwise recluse stay at CoMO.

Privacy, a no non-sense environ have been blessing. Friendships and relationships can otherwise be too consuming. Political correctness is vital while dealing groups. I still can't sing in chorus with people though. Affairs related to heart have been turbulent. I have been at the receiving end of some mood swings for quite a while now. People are immune to emotions. Life works like a flip- flop circuit. Relationships, personal i.e, took an interesting turn by the way. I didn't realise the importance of my Master's Degree until my trip home. A sea change in affairs over there. I can only rephrase a famous line of an ad: there are few things love can't buy. For everything else there is Master's Degree. Smart Study ! ;) You've got it by now I bet. ;)

Photography was a discovery. Not a pompous statement, but am pleasantly happy with it especially since I gave up sketching and art work. Art is a lifeline for my survival. Creativity is oxygen. People crib about my abstractness, but at the end of the day I am satisfied and so are the people who critique my work without any bias. That's what counts.

The only thing which hasn't changed and refuses to die is my inexplicable lust for pizzas. It's only got worse I guess, ever since Gumby's became our new adda. Oh ! my finance management has been awful. Time to pull up my socks and make some sensible decisions on that front.

A new year awaits. This bit would be more challenging than ever I suppose. Unemployment is the biggest tragedy of mankind. Seven years of professional studies only to fall in the unemployed category later sounds death. A battle awaits on that front. As always Survival is the key word.

By the way, I still have a license test to give Sir ! ( and you beautiful Ladies too ). After two years four months, its time I had one with my name emboldened.

Another tough summer on cards. Matter of weeks before I am eloped into the dust.
Ok. Enough demo of my honesty and simplicity in writing here.

Wish me luck :D...

Adios !

I Secretly Hope...

..that today is the day you will send me flowers for one reason.

Yours Lovingly...

(This event repeats itself every year...)

Notions

A misinterpreted word, a mistimed expression and an unadulterated point of view is all it takes. Unadulterated ( you read it right ), not in sync with the rest or any approach which defies the norms of a system. Systematic as in style, thinking, approach, point of views, ideologies theories and philosophies. People lap up every symptom of deviation from methodical and routine, to form Notions. Unfortunately, notions are yardsticks for judgment, for, people are impatient, egoistic and an opinionated lot. Impatient because they cannot wait to patent a thumb rule while handling each other. Egoistic because, they are mighty offended when their own rules are proved wrong. Opinionated because they are caught in the spider web of a system.

Notions are rooted thorns pricking a finger. The more we try to uproot, the more they hurt. Notions are chain reactions. One giving birth to another. Notions are versatile. They can be tampered. Notions stagnate our point of view. Notions draw us blank. Notions are assassins. They are an 'influential' lot.

People demand explanation. An answer for every act and doing. Existence refutes explanation. One of people's favourite notion is me being a 'closed book'..., a concept which I fail to affiliate with. Another all time famous one is... me being a non-social entity, which I dismiss with disdain. It doesn't bother me. Or maybe it does and hence this post, you thought ? No, no way !

Notions know no logic. They are temporary. Ideologies are permanent.

Write not out of compulsion. Rather write out of expression. Words shouldn't be by choice. Rather use them by chance. Let not the train of thoughts derail. Let them be free flowing. Like a rivulet longing to reach an ocean. Writing is giving birth. Writing is existence. Writing is no death wish. Writing is unburdening. Writing is venting out thoughts. All writing is out of discontent. Write like a melodious note. Let writings be imprinted in like beautiful lyrics. Let it be the song of heart. Writings are foot prints in the sands of time.

Thoughts when fed with words, nourished in expression, moulded in style and woven in beauty sound articulated. Writings are one expression leading into an other. Let every sentence mirror your inner self. Let writings reflect individuality and character.

Let writing be a channel of survival. Let writing be a lifeline.

Past

...disturbs me to no ends. While I forgive people accountable for unnecessary chaos, I fail to erase any bit of it. Past was a stroke of beauty gone awry.Past is like an injected pain which I carry deep in my vein. Past was heart breaking. Past was a mockery of my helplessness. Past was evil and trickery in disguise. Past was people in pretense. Past was an account of false associations.

Past was neither spent in rhyme nor was it born out of any reason. Past wasn't principled. Past couldn't be guided in technique. Past lacked any logic. It couldn't be handled with expertise. Past was masterminded with brainless ideologies. Past was spent in ignorance. Past was an account of unfulfilled promises and unmet expectations. Past boasts of unspoken words and silent confessions. Past was parting in ways. Past speaks about lost love. Past witnessed broken friendships. Past was uncultured and unsophisticated. Past was a silent corridor. Past is the cause of this suppression. Past is now a locked door.

Past was spent in statelessness. Past was a trivial existence. Past was a forgettable experience. Past couldn't be rectified. It's neither justified. Past fell prey to false interpretations. It was a bloody gimmick. My past hangs over my head. It is still an ever consuming affair and a recurring nightmare.

I am a victim of my past. Why is it all but past ? Why do those impressions long last ?...

Before the Dawn of Youth ,

...May be its the ability to pose questions with authority which made you lovable.
May be its the ability to confess which made you so adorable.
May be its the ability to commit mistakes daringly why you were always excused but held a darling.
May be its the ability to assure.. you are fine, which made you dear.
May be its the ability to portray yourself funnily, which made you humorous.
May be its the ability to manifest love open heartedly which made you all the more special.

You are no more innocent....for you lost it at the first dawn of youth.
But you can still afford to be special...

Bye Bye !..
Mickey.

The Lack of it all

Be it mediocrity, idiosyncrasy or lack of some pure common sense, Indians are second to none. We can pull off any amount of eccentricity with expertise and shrug it off with equal unperturbed ease. People seriously lack social etiquette and behavioral ethics.

We can speak with twisted accent and finger point at the lack of sophistication, back home. We take a dig at unkempt premises and desi mindset of everything, at liberty. My foot ! And what can we manage to be elsewhere ? Be at our ridiculous best in socio-conduct. Oh ! I forgot to mention - we chew with mouths wide open and yet manage to ignore the disgust of people around. Sorry, am running short of words to aptly address the problem.

Since I am a disciplinarian, lack of dining etiquette irks me. Frustrates me infact !

Watched Jalsa today. Okay'ish flick. Songs too good. ' My heart is beating...ado la ' ...is hummable...infact a chartbuster ! More than the movie, I was miffed with the aforementioned behavioral disorders of our desis. Factionism must be eradicated from movies. Since Indian Cinema is going global, the sooner we address such aspects of film making, the better. Kids being exposed to such mindless stuff bugged me all the while. Anyways..PK impresses in patches. Inconsistency in every aspect of filming will dent its run at the BO, I felt. That it continues to set the BO on fire is a perfect example of the insanity people (our people that is) love and crave for. Parvathi Melton is a saving factor I should mention here :D... Shez hot, shez sexy...Ahh ! I fell for her, I confess.

An average product overall. The worn look of the amru lady in the projector room said it all. Movies, especially Indian, lack logic. All I could is pity her. Only if people managed and conducted themselves better, our 'Gults' turning in huge numbers would have been a relief of sorts. Unfortunately, it weren't to be. Never mind.

Lunched at Chilli's for the first time. Managed to eat Fried Mozzarella Cheese sticks, the only decent item for veggies. PK was confused with his burger stuff. Mama, Bakka-nakka and Taathagaru felt home. Like Flat Branch in downtown, this one too is not recommended for vegetarians.

Is blog necessary in the first place ? Who am I speaking to ? I hate to call this a place to 'vent my thoughts'... I don't have to write all this for myself. No takers for my stories here either.
Then what for ?

Huh ! a complicated question. I understand... !

Mizzou with its impressive architectural designs is an inspiring premises to walk around. The Memorial Union, Jesse Hall ,The Columns and Ellis Library are standing examples of artistic excellence while Bond Life Sciences, Hearnes Center-Mizzou Arena, Recreation Center and B-School equipped with latest infrastructure provide the much needed technological relief. Whether an aspiring photographer like me or camera obsessed, there is enough beauty dying to be explored.

But the latest policy in erecting blocks at every possible nook of the campus has put me in a state of discomfort. Retreats are target of insti big wigs and financier's ire. May be the burgeoning student population and resources play grueling factors. Infact they do. Having served a member of the 'Mizzou Strategic Plan' team as the student advisor to the student recruiting and retention board (errmm....some self-dappa and marketing here :D ), I had an oppurtunity to sneak peak into the functionalities and ideologies of these decision makers. Face lifting parking lots is the least needed; something which irks me. My worst fear is walking around Mizzou one day, sans retreats.

As time flies by, I feel detached. No sentimentality. Neither towards people nor Mizzou. The non-Indian'ess of it all (spare me for taking such liberty with my English) is one compelling factor, I reckon.

I hate changes and being moved from a comfort zone. I like old settings and backdrops. I like coo-cooing in my old nest.

Sad. All it takes is one change to turn today into a fast fading fact.

...after we were done eating, he went to dump the trash. Speeding past him like a criminal on trial cut lose, I reached the backyard only to find the trash can missing. We stared at the golden sunset and straws of grass standing tall and beautiful, awestruck and suspicious at the same minute. Turning around, my friend pointed at an angry African Elephant charging in.

Not heeding to Dylan's warning I ran back towards the kitchen door. With an air of over confidence, sensing the creature had some good ground to cover before it could get me, I tried opening the kitchen door with oily hands not realising it locked itself. I kept trying in a fit of anxiety. With the Elephant a few feet away, I contemplated the idea of running to the front door. Turning to my left I desperately tried locating a way.

The last thing I remember is two ivory tusks and fury filled eyes zeroing on me and ready to crush me under its bulk...

Fade out.

Really, watching late night movies ( like 10,000 B.C in this case ) can lead to such edge-of-the-seat encounters in dreams !