Even if she sends me a blank paper with nothing written on it... I will still be able to read all her feelings hidden deep inside her heart. Because when I close my eyes and look into her deep beautiful eyes... I can feel her love. I can read the pain behind her waiting which she hides under the veil of her beautiful smile...

All my childhood, and whenever you visited us, I felt helpless... for, I held your arm tightly, made a silent prayer to God to not let you go and slept with insecurity....only to wake up and learn from Amma that you were gone. I did not like it at all ! So while disappointment was fast brewing up, I delayed the impending turbulence and turmoil by searching for you all over for one last time before getting clouded. May be you were playing around.... may be you would pop out of no where and surprise me. I hoped. So I never believed when she said you were gone. I  looked for anything that could be a trace of you....


And when it dawned upon me that you left indeed, I felt cheated... because with all sincerity and utmost honesty, I prayed the night before. Didn't I ? So what happened to all those prayers then ? I wondered.

Whenever I woke up to not find you, I felt miserable. My voice choked.... tears welled up and it felt as if I gravitated towards earth from steep heights. How can I ever tell you ? How can I ever explain it to anyone  ? I won't even attempt to ! All that anger and frust never quite burst out. They simmered inside me for days together. After those fires within consumed me, I felt shallow like a piece of coal.

Everything in life was immaterial. Nothing mattered ! What did was your company.... to have fun with you.... to play silly pranks between us which Amma did not approve of. Our monkey gimmicks and all that.... your sense of humor and my endless laughter....we were a team. But on those mornings, I felt everything had come to a naught. It took days to let go all that insipidity.

Oh, that little pocket money, I saved it inside the almirah, checked it every now and then, smelled and kissed those new notes and put them back inside. I never even folded them because it was from you ! They were priceless. Sometimes I wondered if there was an option to pay God in exchange for you... forever !

Even the deepest of those hurtings never stop me from waiting for you....and dreaming of spending time with you. Unfortunately, those scars will forever be a part of me because they got etched in stone.

But that does not make you any less special or magical, dad !

Pledges & Promises

Friendships and relationships are not always hunky dory.  Like everything else in this nature, they are tested time and again. We are challenged every now and then.  It requires upgrading our maturity to a different level each time to keep the pace and grace alive.

There will be forest fires, there will be tornadoes, there will be drought and barren lands, there will be the unexpected turbulence, and sometimes we will be volcanic and sometimes we will display a different instinct... catching ourselves and our relationships all unawares of what hit us.

But after rain, there is sunshine and colorful rainbow. And then there will be gentle breeze kissing your brow...

We sometimes unintentionally hurt each other. But what disappoints me is that we cower and run away when faced with issues or problems... we ignore and avoid and can't take it. We simply don't have it !

Those who do not have the emotional capacities and capabilities to handle the rigours and challenges of a relationship, should not make pledge and promise of being together for a life time...

When our heart longs for spring, it should weather and withstand few storms of winter too, first.

Men's Ego & A Woman's Responsibility Towards It...

As a kid, I vividly remember running to my mom for every thing. From little bruises to big complaints about ill treatment. Everything which created a discomfort, pain and hurt my fragile heart. 

And my mother, like every other, was a place I found security and solace. Her hugs, kisses and her good night cuddles made me feel so secure, wanted and loved that I never had to worry about anything else.

And what adds beauty to any mother-son relationship is the grace with which she embraces him and protects him. Mothers... they know a thing or two about ego-  male ego. They stand behind, by and before their sons as a pillar of support, strength and shield... all in an effort to protect, care, nurture and safeguard that fragile thing called ego.

And when I say ego, I do not mean the chauvinistic one because is not what a mother cultivates. The chauvinistic one is born out of societal evils and devils which no mother approves or appreciates. I am speaking about an ego which builds a boy's thinking...which gives him assurance and a sense of belonging....which provides the impetus during his transformation from a boy to a man....which makes him realize, understand and feel his self worthiness by instilling confidence in him. 

Through out the life cycle of a guy....from the time of his birth till he perishes....he needs one woman to always take care of him without which, it is practically impossible for him to survive.

During childhood and until his marriage it is his mother and sisters.  After marriage, there is a transfer of responsibility to his wife. During the course of his adulthood she is THE trustee of that fragile ego. She is expected to be as careful as his mother in protecting him.... standing by him in his times of difficulty.....shielding him from any hurling....and be his pillar of strength and assurance.

A woman or wife who cannot do this risks jeopardizing her relationship. Because, nothing worse in a relationship than a wife who does not understand the importance of her guy's ego and how to take care of it.  I say this because, genetically men are coded to provide and women to takes care of the family. World might have changed....women might have equal rights and powers and all that, but the base of our existence is still the same. The true worth of a woman is not realized in her earning as much or more than her guy.  It is appreciated that few do, but that is not what maketh her. What maketh her is how she handles her father, husband and her sons. How she mothers all of them and how she protects them. Because without her, they are a no body ! Literally ! That is where her true power lies ! Not in leading an MNC or some other position of authority. Those designations are for the society to satiate their advertising needs.

A wife should understand how to stand by her man in times of crisis and in times of happiness. For, a man's ego can cripple or it can lose control and make him wild. It is only she who can anchor and control it.


As men grow very old... along with their wives....they depend on daughters to take care of them. So again, there is transfer of responsibility from the wife to her more energetic daughter.

If there is one person who keeps us going then it is the women in our lives. A woman who has had a successful marriage is one who has known a thing or two about this secret of managing and protecting the male ego.

At the end of the day, irrespective of what roles we play in our professional lives or in the society, we all come home to find peace with our better halves. We come home to look into each others eyes and without a moment of discomfort or displeasure or scars, make passionate love.... we come home to keep up our promises of being together through thick and thin and finding solace in each others arms....we come home to feel appreciated and respected.

If a man and woman cannot bring peace into each other's lives, then their togetherness is of little value !