It is not easy being me. Not because I go through difficulties but mainly because I always am pulled in opposite directions. Of not wanting to face something and a compelling force that makes me create those exact situations.
It is a mental tension. I want to ask questions, point out dichotomies and be rational, reasoning, logical and objective. In the process, there is the part of me that screeches at the thought of offending someone. Then there is the me that doesn't give a damn and in one impulsiveness can finish off a relationship.
If there has been one challenge in my life, it is to hold onto friendships and relationships, which all start with a well intention but somewhere like an overloaded pizza with toppings, my expectations keep rising and I burden that relationship or equation.
I guess I am better of just being a little distant to people and keeping it there. Not getting too close or not knowing them too much will do a world of good for me and my mental health.
A certain type of distrust exists. My dad wants me to cultivate friendships and social circles. Wow... so cool of him to dish out an advice again and again. He has a fair point and a certain concern that I should not be alone. I get it.
Like how it is ridiculous if an outgoing finance minister ridicules an economy soon after a new government comes into power, it is equally ridiculous for him to advice me or expect me to form relationships and friendships like how and his family does.
I never had him to learn how to approach, build and nurture a relationship. Fundamentally mine and his is still "in works" and there is always a missing link to our bridge which stops us from going to either side completely.
No comments:
Post a Comment